Is Christmas Coming Too Soon This Year?

It might just me, but isn’t Christmas coming earlier and earlier every year while, thanks to the global warming our genius government refuses to ignore, winter keeps coming later and later? At this rate, winter will start around May and the Christmas season will start somewhere around July. Consequently, we’ll have white Christmases again rather than just a cold time of year when we hang a bunch of lights and are bombarded by bad Christmas movies like last year’s Deck the Halls and this year’s Fred Claus. As if our decidedly un-wintry Christmas season was not enough, television will start broadcasting Christmas cartoons soon, like How the Grinch Stole Christmas which airs this Saturday night (blame TBS), not even a third of the way through November and still a few weeks away from Thanksgiving, and A Charlie Brown Christmas, which, as long as I’ve been alive, has initiated Christmas season amongst media outlets. I’d say sales outlets, too, but, hell, I’ve seen Christmas sales in July before.

When I was a kid, I lived for Thanksgiving for this reason: all I wanted was for Christmas to come. I''d count down the days till Charlie Brown would mope across my television screen. I’d tape every single Christmas cartoon that aired afterwards, no matter how obscure. I distinctly remember a Glow-Worms'' Christmas special, which should give you some idea of my devotion to televised seasonal cheer. For some thirty days, I became a sponge for all things Christmas and I imagine that’s probably why today I become so melancholy when I hear a holiday song displaced from the actual season.

When removed from the appropriate span of time for anticipating Christmas, I am immediately yanked back to my childhood, to those better days when imagination was everything. But then, of course, reality sets in and I realize, shit, it’s June and I’m an adult and, you know

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